What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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