I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm like, not good at living.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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