I am spending my child support on dildos
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
What drink are we having for lunch?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
