Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
