I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
