And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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