dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The best revenge is premature balding
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
