Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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