On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
