Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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