She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize