I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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