I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
