Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
