just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
