I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
