Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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