True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
