i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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