Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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