At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
