I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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