So drunk its hurt
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
