Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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