he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
