You can't motorboat a personality
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
