Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
