"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
