I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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