Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
third nipple confirmed
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize