4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
