Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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