my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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