when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
