Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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