Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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