So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
