hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Drunk is not a location!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
