i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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