Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
