If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
