i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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