nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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