Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The struggles of a small town man whore
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
