I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
