so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
