Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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