i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
