I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
