when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
