I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Randomize
