Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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