You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize