Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
