i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
