I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
